Here is a list of her shining moments as my mother
- She decided to get smashed with her cousins one night and woke up the next morning with a massive hangover. That hangover lasted a little longer then she expected and she randomly decided to take a pregnancy test. Little did she know that I was much worse then a hangover.
- She wanted to name me Bean. Beanie Babies were all the rage back in those days.
- The morning I was born she decided that shaving her legs was more important than rushing to the hospital. Minutes after she arrived I made my debut. She is one lucky duck.
- I was always the last kid picked up from school because she likes to run late.
- My bus driver dropped me off at my house and my mom was not home yet. Apparently, she once again forgot about me and the doors were locked. The bus driver drove past the house again and saw me sitting outside. She proceeded to pick me up again and drive me to the bus station and fed me food out of the vending machine.
- She once got mad at me and pushed me over a laundry basket.
- She called me a bitch in 7th grade. She claims that she said, "You are acting like a bitch" but I clearly remember her specifically calling me one.
- I once bought her a robe for Christmas. She returned it the next day because she thought it was ugly.
- I always hated getting up in the morning. My mother invested in a spray bottle and would spray me like a cat until I got out of bed.
I will not be showing her this post because I am sure she will use my full name in response to it.