Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Way Down Wonderers

Where did April go?
This year is flying by and I'm not a fan.

A few weekends ago, before Andy and I broke up, I got to wear Connors Airforce gear! It was like 60lbs and I almost died. My line during the entire night was, "Are you ready for battle?" and I would shout it at anyone who did not look ready for battle. I'm a true American.
 Victoria and I tried out sobriety for a full week! 
We spent Friday night listening to The Way Down Wanderers.
Check them out on YouTube!
They are adorable and have amazing songs!
They actually came into Kavarna and invited Victoria to their show.

The whole sobriety thing was fun, but then I ran into an ex-boyfriend at the grocery store who invited us to a party. So our Saturday involved an afternoon of movies and pizza with Victoria's dad and a party where the music as on point the entire time! It was fun until the ex got drunk and decided to get a little handsy. It is never okay to grab your ex-girlfriends ass, unless she asks for it, which I did not in this case. 

Victoria's dad has us watch a super weird movie. If you want to watch a movie that messes with your head look up Coherence! I was talking about it for the rest of the night. It's kind of like Inception where it really makes you think and never gives you a clear explanation. 

Sunday, April 26, 2015

The Next Step

1. Build a life with my best friend

You know when people say they want to build their life with their best friends and by "best friend" they mean their significant other? Well, I literally mean my best friend*. So what kind of life do we plan on building? We currently live together and are having the time of our lives! We want to continue to surround ourselves with good people, we want to go on adventures, we want to finish nursing school, and our end goal is to be in Europe together as traveling nurses. Our entire lives may not involve us being a dynamic duo, but building a life takes literally a lifetime and involves many chapters. I'm glad that Victoria is helping write this chapter. 

2. Nursing School

Nursing school is hard and it officially starts this upcoming fall. I've dreamed of this for as long as I can remember and it's within reach now. In order to accomplish my dreams, I need to get through the next two years of my life. Hard work mixed with the occasional good time will be the cocktail that will get me through it. 

3. Travel

I have my US road trip planned for this summer! Victoria and I want to go to Thailand during winter break, but that can only happen if we stay within budget during our US road trip. What's next after that? No idea! But it will involve something exciting.

4. Turning 20

That's right. I'm leaving my teen years in a few short months and I'm terrified. I'm sure I will be posting about my fear of turning 20 in another post. So I'll save my thoughts on it for a later time!

5. Enjoy the place I am in now

As much as I am looking forward to the future I want to really cherish this time of life I'm in now. The past 19 (almost 20) years have gone by in a blink of an eye. I wanted to be in high school so badly when I was younger and all of a sudden that part of my life is over. I'm on to the next part and this part is going by even faster! I need to take it all in, before it's time to turn the page once again.

*I'm one of those extremely lucky people that got blessed with some amazing girls I get to call my best friends! In this post, I'm referencing my best friend Victoria. The rest of you are lucky that I'm not making you go through nursing school with me, but you guys always are welcome to join me on the journey!

Friday, April 24, 2015

Hold the Night for Ransom

And we drink and get older
And some of us even try to get sober
Now here's to the assholes and the last calls
Well, city kids, you get what you ask for

And acquaintances turn to friends, I hope those friends they remember me
Hold the night for ransom as we kidnap the memories
Not sure there is a way to express what you meant to me
Sit around a table and use those years as the centerpiece
Hold on to what you were, forget what you're not
The streets were ours that summer, at least those two blocks
Reminisce on those days, I guess that's OK, you wonder why
Some grow up, move on, close the chapter, live separate lives
The twenty-something confusion before the suit and tie
Strangers become mistakes but those mistakes made you feel alive
Hindsight is vibrant, reality: rarely lit
Memory's a collage pasted to the glue that barely sticks
Good Lord, they broke all my shields
Locked bathroom doors, graffiti, and high heels
Until you felt that altitude you don't know how high feels
Party mountain, some don't ever come down from around here
To be young again, I guess it's relative
The camel lights, the whiskey rye, sink into the skin
I fantasize about a second win
Grow a moustache, pick up another bad habit and let the games begin

So here's to the nights, dancing with the band
Strangers into girlfriends from a one night stand
Brought a little liquor and turn up the Johnny Cash
You could bring a receipt to Heaven but you cannot take it back
And this is life, this is real, even when it feels like it isn't
I'd be a goddamn liar to say at times I didn't miss it
So deuces, I turn my back as I walk into the distance
Dip my feet in every once in a while, just to say I visit
Come and hold onto these nights
Trying to find our way home by the street light
Over time you figure out this is me, right
Learn a lot about your friends right around two A.M

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Things I learned from my previous relationship

1. I have walls that I need to work on breaking down

I have a hard time getting emotionally attached to guys. I just don't want to get hurt and I hate being vulnerable. I'd like to blame my mother for always telling me, "Boys only want one thing" and walls are my way of weeding out those kind of boys, but really it's not completely her fault. I have such a deep love for the people in my life and it's easier to love my friends in that way, because I don't fear them walking out of my life. A guy could one day decide he was done and be gone. I guess my friends could do the same thing, but you know what I mean. So the walls go up and it allows me to have the upper hand. I need to work on breaking down those walls, instead of waiting for someone to do it for me.

2. Don't settle

So many people told me that Andy was a great guy, but what you saw is what you got. He's always going to be a small town guy that never ventures out and is content with what he has. He couldn't offer me what I truly wanted out of life and we both knew that, but it took a long time for us to admit it and go our separate ways. I think way to many people settle for someone, because they are afraid that the right person won't come along or that they won't find someone that fits into their timeline. I know it's easy to stay in a relationship, because you're afraid that when it's over, you'll have to figure out what happens next. I stayed with a guy ten months, because I liked having a safety net. Right now you think it would just be easier to stay put, but turning the page allows you to realize that there is so much more to the book than the page you're stuck on.

3. You'll find someone better 

How many times do you tell your friends after a break up that they will find someone better? I think people often use it as a way to belittle the ex and comfort their friends. I like to think about it as you will find someone that is better suited for you. Someone that is a better match or is more compatible. Unless, you really did date a piece of shit. Then belittle that person all you want, because you will find someone better in all definitions of that sayings!

4. It's okay to be sad

I broke up with Andy. I checked out of our relationship long before we broke up. I almost felt like it wasn't okay for me to be sad. I felt bad for listening to the song that was playing while we were breaking up a million times, while thinking about the memories we made. But no matter how the relationship ended you are allowed to be sad and you're allowed to miss the person. Take all the time you need to recover!

5. Determine what you want before jumping into another relationship

I will never understand those people that jump from one relationship into another and then wonder why they don't ever work out! Maybe, it's because you are bringing the same problems into every relationship and not allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes and make the necessary changes.

Monday, April 20, 2015

10 Months

I broke up with Andy while Stevie Nicks cover of Crash Into Me played in the background at a coffee shop. It was a movie like moment. I was avoiding the inevitable for a while regarding him. He's a good guy and did everything right when it came to playing the role of the boyfriend. Ten months of good morning texts, making sure I knew he was "all in" with our relationship, and making me feel loved and cared for. If all guys treated their girlfriends like Andy treated me the world would be a better place.

So what went wrong? I guess we were just in different places in our lives. I wanted more out of life then a white picket fence and that's what he wanted. He tried so hard to hold on to us, which he admitted to me when we parted ways. I wondered if he knew the end was in sight before it ocurred and I got my answer with that response. He tried to go with the flow with a girlfriend who couldn't promise forever when that's what he desperately wanted. I knew it wasn't fair to him or for me to pretend that we wanted the same things.

An alcohol infused night lead to an emotional time that involved yelling, which strangely did not come from me and Andy. Standing outside on the porch at 3 in the morning involving me once again saying that I didn't know what my future holds made me realize I couldn't keep pretending that there was a chance at us working.

I thought that this break up wouldn't effect me as much, but it hurts. It hurts knowing that I hurt someone who loved me. It hurts knowing that unless our paths randomly cross, I may never hang out with him again. I almost wish that our break up story was different.

I will always love and care for Andy and I wish that I could be satisfied with what he had to offer. Maybe, one day we will become friends. When he forgives me and finds a girl that loves everything he has to offer.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Yes Please

I recently read Amy Poehler's memoir, Yes Please. I'm a sucker for books written by female comedians! Tina Fey, Chelsea Handler, Sarah Colonna, and Heather McDonald are a few who have written books that I have enjoyed. My favorite quotes from Amy Poehler's book are mentioned in this post.

"I believe great people do things before they are ready."

I have dinner plans with Victoria and Brittney on Friday night! I watch Brittney's kids during the week and we never seem to have enough time to chat in between her coming home and me leaving. This past Monday I stayed an extra hour just talking and her husband came home to us talking about politics. He laughed at how into the conversation we were. Which might sound boring, but we love getting into deep conversations about stuff like that. So we decided that it was time to hang out without interruptions.

"I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they "want to do" and start asking them what they don't want to do."

Whenever Victoria and I announce that we want a low key weekend it turns into the complete opposite. We have a low key drinking night planned for Thursday, a bonfire/party to attend on Friday night after our dinner, and Saturday is our recovery/study day. Add in us working all of those days makes for a busy weekend. The life of a college student is always on the go.

"This is the motto women should constantly repeat over and over again. Good for her! Not for me."

There was a drug bust near my house! I live in a middle class mostly white neighborhood so that kind of stuff never happens! That description sounded racist, but oh well it describes my neighborhood. There were about 10 cop cars around the neighborhood. When doing a drive-by like the nosy neighbor that I am I saw a cop hiding behind a house with his gun drawn. They also had drug dogs! It was cool. I don't know how it ended.

"I learned almost all the people in a working kitchen are having sex with each other."

The quote above is so true! I work in the food industry and there is always something going on with my co-workers. The gossip you hear is always entertaining!

"You have to be where you are to be where you need to go"

I officially have all of my money saved for my summer road trip! My goal was to save at least $200 every month, but I love budgeting and I got addicted to seeing my money add up so I reached my end goal way ahead of time! So now I'm saving for my trip to Thailand. Wait, what? Yeah, during winter break Victoria, myself, and a few other girls want to go to Thailand for a month! It's a beautiful place and it's cheap to travel to! I just want to get a lot of traveling under my belt, before careers and a family enter the picture. My goal in life is to enjoy every chapter of my life to the fullest and not rush to the next one. College is the time for small paychecks and big adventures.

"By all means walk drunk. That looks hilarious. Everyone loves to watch someone act like they are trying to make it to safety during a hurricane."

That is all I have for you, folks. I feel like I am doing a lot better this year with blogging. It has become more of a hassle to update this blog, but once I do it and re-read it months down the road I am so grateful to have those memories preserved!

Monday, April 13, 2015

Edward 40 hands

These are the nights that memories are made up of.
Fast forward 30 years.....
"Hey mom, why are there pictures of you with beer duct tapped to your hands?"

"Let me tell you about a magical time in life in between being a kid and having to be an adult. It's before mortgages and stretch marks. Even though I blame you for my gray hair and wrinkles, I'm sure the stress of balancing partying and somewhat having my shit together was the real culprit. It's a time when you become best friends with strangers you just met and you form a bond with people the next morning as you re-evaluate your life decisions, but in the end it is just part of a great story."

So the explanation will probably include the typical parent response of, "I was young and foolish. Don't follow in my foot steps, because you need to become a doctor or lawyer" ,but I will thinking what I wrote above.

You only get a small window of time where pulling off these shenanigans is not completely looked down upon. I just want to be 80 years old and to be able to show my grandchildren that Grandma could party with the best of them. Everything I do is for the grandchildren.

In all seriousness, we decided to do a modified version of Edward 40 hands. The duct tape ended up bruising my knuckles and having to chug beer tends to get you drunk very fast. Who knew? I ended the night in bed with a very drunk Kaden, who I just met that night. My mom said I'm only allowed to sleep in the same bed with a male if he is gay. I followed your rule this time, mom!

Kaden, Victoria, Whitney, and I all had to work in the morning, but after a very long shift the next day, I don't regret a single beer. 

Monday, April 6, 2015


I will have my first day off of work in two weeks this upcoming Saturday! I've been working my ass off, because I plan on taking the summer off and traveling. I could have had this past Saturday off, but a family who pays me $10 an hour to watch their kids asked if I was available for 6 hours. I could not pass up $60 for playing with kids!

In between working and school, I've managed to have some fun!

Thursday night after work some of  Victoria's friends came over. No one was drinking, except Victoria, which lead to a funny time. When everyone left, Victoria and I ended up laying on the front porch taking pictures, snap chatting back and forth with my cousin, listening to music, and just talking. Towards the end our neighbor opened his garage to bring out his garbage cans. I can only imagine what went through his mind when we saw us.

I worked Friday morning/afternoon and afterwards Victoria and I went to Olive Garden to eat.
We decided to start off the night with some over-priced drinks.
Then we headed over to Seroogy's Chocolate and bought some Easter candy.

While waiting for the group to arrive I decided to work on some homework.
I have to right a paper for my A&P class and could not settle on a subject.
I was two drinks in and working on my third when I decided to write about how alcohol negatively affects the heart...

The girls finally arrived and fun was had!
I love hanging out with Victoria's friends, because they are people that I probably would have never approached myself. It's a good way to get to know all kinds of new and interesting people!

We drank a lot at our place, had our designated driver bring us to another party, got taco bell, and made it home at 3am. Victoria had to be up at 6am...

The next day was Easter!
I typically ask off for holidays, because I figure that when I'm a nurse I will be working a ton of holidays, so why do it now? 
Easter has never been a big holiday for my family so I decided not to ask off.
I got paid time and a half, plus we were steadily busy all day, so I never was bored.
I think it is a bonding experience with your coworkers to work on a holiday.
You all make jokes about what a great "holiday" it is and just feel connected, because you would rather be with family, but are stuck together instead.
So, maybe that doesn't sound that "bonding", but I also love shopping during the holidays, because the crowds make me feel happy.
I also got this sweet text message from Ilia's mom. She gave my number to her friend Michelle and I've babysat for them a few times. Apparently, she thinks I'm awesome!

I hope you all had a great Easter!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Spring Break 2015

This past week has included celebrating 21st birthdays, attending a baby shower, spending time with my friends from high school, and procrastinating anything having to do with school. What a great spring break!

I've been lucky to have friends stick around for long periods of time in my life.
New friends are great and I look forward to making new ones, but there is nothing like the friends that you grow up with. They are the ones that loved you during your awkward stages of adolscences and didn't run for the hills when you're hormones caused you to become a crazy person.You are dealing with so many new life experiences and it's the closest you're going to get to being in the exact same stage of life with someone. Being able to swap awkward "first" stories is fun, but being the phone call immediately after they happen or being part of the story is the best!

The friends you make as a kid (or teenager) are the ones that allow you to slip back into that care-free mindset temporarily when you see each other again. The only difference is that the fun of sneaking around with each other has been replaced by being allowed to do it.

Hold on to the good ones, because really connecting with people is a special thing.