Monday, April 20, 2015

10 Months

I broke up with Andy while Stevie Nicks cover of Crash Into Me played in the background at a coffee shop. It was a movie like moment. I was avoiding the inevitable for a while regarding him. He's a good guy and did everything right when it came to playing the role of the boyfriend. Ten months of good morning texts, making sure I knew he was "all in" with our relationship, and making me feel loved and cared for. If all guys treated their girlfriends like Andy treated me the world would be a better place.

So what went wrong? I guess we were just in different places in our lives. I wanted more out of life then a white picket fence and that's what he wanted. He tried so hard to hold on to us, which he admitted to me when we parted ways. I wondered if he knew the end was in sight before it ocurred and I got my answer with that response. He tried to go with the flow with a girlfriend who couldn't promise forever when that's what he desperately wanted. I knew it wasn't fair to him or for me to pretend that we wanted the same things.

An alcohol infused night lead to an emotional time that involved yelling, which strangely did not come from me and Andy. Standing outside on the porch at 3 in the morning involving me once again saying that I didn't know what my future holds made me realize I couldn't keep pretending that there was a chance at us working.

I thought that this break up wouldn't effect me as much, but it hurts. It hurts knowing that I hurt someone who loved me. It hurts knowing that unless our paths randomly cross, I may never hang out with him again. I almost wish that our break up story was different.

I will always love and care for Andy and I wish that I could be satisfied with what he had to offer. Maybe, one day we will become friends. When he forgives me and finds a girl that loves everything he has to offer.

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